I am amazed at how many times a simple kind act has completely turned my day around. I had a friend who consistently sent baked goods which her husband usually dropped by once a week for months. What I didn't have the courage to tell her was that was the only contact I had with adults for days. I know people worry about saying or doing something that may cause pain but there is much more pain in hearing, "I was thinking about you all week," and knowing they did nothing and knowing those were incredibly difficult days. When someone comes into your mind there is a reason. What I have learned to do when this happens is to say a prayer for the person when they enter into my mind and sometimes I send a text saying, "just wanted you to know I love you and am thinking of you today." This message doesn't require a response but leaves the door open if they want or need to talk.
I learned something interesting last May. In studying the brain through imaging they have learned that when we exclude others the pain centers of the brain activate. When we shy away from talking to someone afraid we will say the wrong thing or avoid talking about a loved one who has passed we cause pain when our goal is to alleviate pain or at least avoid causing further pain.
We are all mortal and as such we are FLAWED. I have made mistakes in my grieving that have hurt others and damaged relationships, others have avoided me, and sometimes said things that are hurtful because they are human. What I have come to learn is that when we act from a place of love THAT is the message that comes through. One of the most helpful things anyone ever said to me was, "I know that nothing I can say will make this any better but I want you to know that I love you." Honest, open words. I have come to appreciate the power of simple words. It is not our job to fix or even understand it is our job to love others. And those who have touched me the most are the ones who keep coming back even after not being invited in some days, keep texting and calling even though I don't always respond, and keep showing up and inviting me to be part of their lives because there are days when I need people and I will respond.
I mourn the life I have lost and I don't know that there will ever be a time when that goes away entirely. Thank you for your love, prayers, and your continued patience as I continue walking these unknown roads. I will make mistakes but I will keep moving forward and I need all the help I can get.