I Don't Need Easy, I Just Need Possible

My life has been a game of extremes over the past year.  I would struggle through a hard day or two and go looking for something that would help so I learned that hot baths were nice and for a few days I'd end up in the bath once, sometimes twice, a day for a while before moving on to something else.  In my mind I felt that  if a little was good then a lot was better. My latest fixation is tennis.  I played in high school and intramurals in college, nothing serious I just seriously loved the game.  In August I had a friend who has been trying to get me to join the tennis club for years injure her knee and wrist.  This put her out for about two months and she asked me to cover for her. Being out on the court was awkward at first as I got my coordination back.  Once a week led to twice a week, which led to evening league (with men which was a big transition for me), which led to another evening league. I hit my limit the week I played four times.  I hurt in places I didn't even know I had. I've cut back to three times a week and even that is a bit intense.  I tweeked my right knee sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas and I am currently wearing an ace wrap almost all the time.  I also am developing tennis elbow which is really crumby. So, what have I learned from this experience? Even a good thing isn't good when it's taken to excess. 

 You can exercise too much, you can control your diet to the point of being unhealthy, you can travel so much that your home doesn't feel like home, you can over schedule your children, you can obsess about your home, your looks, your clothes and any number of things.  The principle that is needed here is moderation.  One of my favorite quotes right now is from Vincent Van Gogh "The best way to know God is to love many things." I also assert that the best way to enjoy life is to learn to love many things.  

That has been a difficult part of my grief journey as so many things hold pain for me and I have had to learn to love things like singing, listening to the radio, watching a movie, reading a book, taking a walk, visiting with friends, watching a sunset, having family dinners, praying, family activities.  All these things 
were so painful for a time but I have slowly been learning to love them again and letting the pain drain from my experience.  To those who are
struggling, just know it is possible.  I remember watching a movie about Bethany Hamilton (the competitive surfer who lost her arm to a shark attack). At one point in the movie she approached her father and asked if he could help her learn to surf again.  He told her it wasn't going to be easy and her response was, "I don't need easy, I just need possible." That's how I look at my challenges right now, not easy but possible.  Every time I have a moment when I cry my eyes out over something that wasn't supposed to be my job or I have a blow up with one of my children  or I day I'm so exhausted I finally give in and go back to bed I know that it will pass.  Tomorrow will come, the sun will rise, my children and my God will be here loving me and we will find one more tool, one more encouraging word, one more inspirational thought that will keep us all going. It won't be easy to find happiness in the little things and help my family heal but I KNOW IT IS POSSIBLE!

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