Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Finding Joy

I was asked to give a spiritual message at a Relief Society activity (women’s group at church). They asked I base my remarks on the talk "Joy And Spiritual Survival" you can read the full talk by clicking here. I prayed to know what to share and this is what came to me.


In the Book of Mormon there is a story of a man who was preaching in Jerusalem and was told in a vison to take his family and flee into the wilderness because the people were angry with him and would kill him if he stayed.

The prophet Lehi not long after being inspired to uproot his family, leave behind his home and much of his possessions, and some extended family declared, "MEN ARE THAT THEY MIGHT HAVE JOY." We can assume by the amount of murmuring from some of his family members on their leaving and their great desire to return that they lived a comfortable life. So how was he, while living in the desert amidst uncertainty over the future of his family, able to make such a declaration?

Elder Russell M. Nelson explains that the joy Lehi felt and "the joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives." So, you might ask, what is this magical focus that will allow me to be happy in the midst of hardship right now? The answer is simple, we focus on Jesus Christ as Elder Nelson explains, "He is the source of all joy."

I remember feeling such joy on my little one's second birthday. It was the first family celebration after my husband had died and I was just going through the motions, I made a cake, a friend helped me clean house and decorate, I wrapped presents and invited family over but my heart was breaking. I kept thinking, "this is so unfair, no child should have to spend their 2nd birthday without their father." Eventually anger gave way to sadness and as my heart softened and broke I pled with Heavenly Father to help me understand why something so terrible was part of the plan, His plan, for my life. Why would He give us something so wonderful and then take it away. In my mind's eye I could see the look on Matthew's face when he held each of our three children for the first time, it was pure joy. I remembered the happy tears we cried on our wedding day when we promised each other forever. He rarely cried but we both cried that day. I even pictured us together, clothed in white, at some future date, the promise of an eternity together shining in our eyes. That was the answer. We had joyful moments and we will again. 

To say I can't be happy because I am dealing with some hard things right now is just not true. Because of the Gospel of Jesus Christ I know where to turn when I need strengthening, understanding or just enough patience to try one more time. Because of His sacrifice He can offer understanding and comfort on my hard days. With Jesus Christ I can do and become more than I ever imagined possible and find joyful moments even in my darkest hours.

Elder Nelson explained how Christ set the example for us to find joy through our trials. "In order for Him to endure the most excruciating experience ever endured on earth, our Savior focused on joy!...the joy of cleansing, healing, and strengthening us;" He was thinking of you and me! "...the joy of paying for the sins of all who would repent; the joy of making it possible for you and me to return home-clean and worthy- to live with our Heavenly Parents and families." Isn't that amazing! He endured all that pain and anguish by thinking how happy we could be because of His suffering.

He further instructs, "If we look to the world and follow it's formulas for happiness, we will never know joy. The unrighteous may experience any number er of emotions and sensations, but they will never experience joy! Joy is a gift that comes from intentionally trying to live a righteous life, as taught by Jesus Christ. He taught us how to have joy. We we choose Heavenly Father to be our God and when we can feel the Savior's Atonement working in our lives, we will be filled with joy."

I know this to be true and I have seen it in my life many times. But don't take my word for it, try it for yourself. Learn about Jesus Christ and what He did and them go and follow His example. You will not be disappointed. 


Read More Here:

Forgiveness

Turning Criticism Into Confidence

Cancer Diagnosis

Monday, November 21, 2016

My LDS Missionary Service-The First Contact

It took two days of travel to get to Quetzaltenango.  The first day we flew from Salt Lake to Guatemala City.  We had a lay over in Texas somewhere and we were tired by the time we got there.  I was traveling with another Sister and we were picked up in a van at the airport and taken to the Casa de Huesped next to the Temple in Guatemala City.  The next day we boarded a bus with about 20 other missionaries, most of them from Central America (they had been at the MTC there in Guatemala City receiving their missionary training) all headed for Quetzaltenango. 

I was excited to try out my Spanish and had some short conversations with the Central American missionaries as we traveled.  My feeble attempts to communicate were greeted with patience and kindness though I quickly realized that my Spanish was very limited, which was frustrating after spending 10 weeks studying so hard.

Nate Smith's photo.
We arrived at the mission president's home after a meeting with the majority of the missionaries in the area and they sent us out to go knock on doors and teach people. (That was the main purpose of the mission, to go meet people and teach them the gospel.)  I was sent out with a six foot tall gringa (that's what they call white girls in Guate) from Arkansas.  We knocked on the first door and she stepped aside, waiting for me to speak.  I wave of panic swept over me and I began to cry.  All the sudden it was real and I knew my language skills weren't up to the task.  I spent the next hour trying to calm down and let reality catch up with me.
The good news is that my first attempt was out of the way and each time after that got easier.  I even got to the point that I looked forward to going out to meet new people which was great since most days we spent several hours contacting people.

I can't tell you how glad I was that quitting was not an option.  I can't explain what happened that made me fall apart for the better part of an hour but I'm exceedingly grateful for those who encouraged me along the way. It was only the first frustrating day of many but I decided not to ever give up, I'd made a commitment to stick it out and I'm so glad that I did. 

Saturday, November 19, 2016

Ripples



Something amazing happened on last Sunday.  I was headed for Sunday School because I felt like I should go.  Maybe the message was really just, “GO” as I never made it there.  I stopped to tell a sister how beautiful her baby was that they had blessed that day and to let her know I felt Matt had come to support them.  It was such a beautiful experience.  The next sister I spoke to was one I have been trying to get to know but she is quiet and she told me today that when she’s quiet it is because she is listening and learning (I really should take a page from her book on this one). 

Image result for ripplesI had felt that she had been struggling and she looked so much better this day.  She had such a feeling of strength and power about her.  As we talked she shared that she’s been very discouraged and wondering what to do.  Long story short she came to the conclusion that she needed to remain faithful and strong through hard times because of the impact that she has in the lives of her children and will continue to have down the line through her grandchildren and great grandchildren.  I got goosebumps as she was talking and felt strongly that what she was saying was God’s message to me. 

I think many times we fail to realize the extent of our influence.  We come into contact with people every day and everything we do has a little ripple effect.  Many times the ripples are subtle but they are there.  The interesting thing about ripples is that at the point of impact the area affected is very small but as they extend out that one stone affects a large area.  This is SO TRUE OF THE GOOD WE DO.  It’s easy to get discouraged with our lives and feel like the things we do don’t even matter.  PLEASE STOP LISTENING TO THOSE VOICES THAT TELL YOU THAT!  As children of God we are powerful beyond what we even know.  We are far more capable than we think.  We come from a lineage of greatness and we were put on Earth for a purpose. Go Do Some Good!

Sunday, November 13, 2016

Lessons in Grief- Part 1

I need to preface this post by explaining that I am having a good week.  Each week gets a little easier as we settle into our new normal.  Most of the things in this post were things I learned early on when things were still REALLY HARD so don't everyone panic and think I'm falling apart.  I have difficult moments but overall we're doing well. Having said that, I feel that there are some who need to hear some of these things and, as always, I share with the hope that it may help someone who needs to hear it. I also recognize that the loss of my husband is being felt by more than just myself and though each feels it in their own way there are things that helped me and I hope they will help you too.

Grief is different than I expected. Part of what makes grief difficult is that it doesn't always manifest in the same way, some days grief causes sobbing and other days it aches it can even be smiles of memories followed by painful emptiness.  Sometimes it even causes nausea, headaches and other physical pain. I've been attending a GriefShare class for three weeks and I highly recommend it for anyone who has suffered a loss. It's helped me understand the effects grief is having on my mind and body and recognizing that's what is happening and understand it is completely normal.


Some of the things that stuck out to me are that the denial phase can last six to nine months, it takes that long for the heart to catch up with your head. Mine did not last that long but that's because I started grieving when my husband received his diagnosis. Something else that occurs with loss is shock. I would describe shock as your brain refusing to process emotion because it's overloaded. It is a mechanism the body uses to survive trauma; it doesn’t allow you to process things you can't handle. I would say my denial phase lasted about 6-10 weeks. It wasn't until that point that I really started to address the things I was thinking and feeling and work through them and that only happened because someone told me if I didn’t work through these feeling I would carry them with me FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. Even coming to the point of being ready to begin the grieving process was challenging and I was very blessed to be guided to the people who could help this happen. I put it off for quite a while before accepting that I needed to grieve and even now my instinct is to avoid it. At first it seemed like it would be easier to avoid my emotions but each time I would have a good cry I felt lighter the next day.

I remember realizing one day that I didn't know how to grieve and at that point I started praying to know what to do. I considered counseling before I was invited to GriefShare and just knew I needed some direction. I may still need counseling at some point, I'm open to it and pray to know what is right for me. A couple friends also invited me to join a widows and widower support group on Facebook. I've learned so much in the past month it's hard to summarize it in one blog post. The two most important things I've learned are that grief takes time...lots of it and that the first year will be very difficult at times and the second year will be a little better. The second thing is that grief isn't something that needs to be fixed, it is something to be experienced. The hard part of that is that I don't control when I need to feel grief. I can be fine one moment and I will see, hear or think something that will bring me instantly to tears. It's frustrating but I take great comfort in knowing this is completely normal.

One more thought on grief, when experiencing grief you rarely experience one emotion at a time or go through the steps of the grieving process in a neat, organized fashion. Grief is messy. You will feel a bunch of emotions at once and some of those emotions even conflict with each other and you don't just experience it once, you go through different parts of the grieving process over and over again as you grieve the individual things you have lost.

If you have experienced a loss please reach out, find a support group or ask for help from a close friend. You can sign up for free daily emails from GriefShare.org to help you learn more and there is a link to find a local group. You don't have to do this alone! Remember God loves you, knows you personally and knows what will help if you will only ask. I take great comfort in meeting others who have walked this path and come out the other side stronger. I know we will get through!

Read More Here:

Lessons In Grief- Part 2

Finding Joy

Fear and Faith

I Am Superman

Saturday, November 5, 2016

Faith and Piano


Image result for piano

I started learning to play the piano in the second grade. For those who have never learned to play an instrument it is a SLOW process this process is also used in sports. So the process requires time each day working steadily to get better bit by bit, a little every day. Something I have always found interesting about piano is that if you stop practicing, even for a little while, your ability seems to decrease.  It’s like walking the wrong way on one of those moving sidewalks at the airport, if you stop you’re actually moving backward. Because of this fact consistent practice is key to building skill.

Faith is like that too. There have been many times when I come to a challenge that tries my faith and think, "I should have this, no problem," but I find my faith insufficient to the task. I think, "but I thought I had faith?!?" I've come to understand that faith is a process, much like learning sports or an instrument; it's something we build every day. Our ability to use our faith develops a little at a time as it is tried and tested time after time. In order to grow our faith we must persist in the face of our challenges, knowing God is with us. We strengthen our faith by consistently obeying God’s commandments, reaching out to Him in daily prayer and studying His word. Just like playing the piano if we take a break from these things, or get angry with God and withdraw for a time, we lose a little ground and need to build it up again.

I am positive I will never be a concert pianist or that I will have faith to move a mountain but I will continue to plug away, enhancing my ability day after day. I’m recommitting to daily prayer and study today and you can too!  Let’s do the little things that will help us feel closer to God and allow us to more fully feel His love and receive His guidance. Just as I'd never consider myself proficient enough at the piano to not need practice but I know enough to enjoy playing and accompany every once in a while, my faith is still growing but sufficient to act, to endure and to find joy. It is because of this that we can enjoy the beautiful music of faith in our lives.


Thursday, November 3, 2016

Most Important Things

As I’ve undergone the first small step in my grief journey there have been times I’ve felt very lost. Part of grieving is not trusting yourself to make decisions and I have really felt that so being in touch with my Heavenly Father, my higher power, has been so important.  A friend asked me a few weeks ago what I needed to be doing right now, what’s the most important thing and I said without thinking, “I need to put up all our family pictures on our walls and look at them every day until I don’t cry when I look at them.” She encouraged me to make a list of the things that I feel like need done that day and pray that someone would be sent to take care of those things so I can work on the most important things. I have been amazed at the result.



Last week I prayed on Monday morning to know what the most important thing was and the answer surprised me.  The answer was to make a Jedi costume for my nine-year-old.  (A little background here: I am NOT good at sewing and have shed a few tears and said a few choice words while working on projects in the past. I also don’t always enjoy my projects.)  I looked around the house at the dirty floor, pile of dishes and unwashed laundry and thought that certainly couldn’t be right but the answer was pretty clear so I started in.  I wish you could have seen the look on my son’s face when he came home and I’d made him this simple costume just a vest and a belt. I did not know that doing something for him was important to him but Heavenly Father did.  Before the week was over I had made costumes for all four of us to wear to a church party.  I had never sewn costumes for my kids before and we had never done family theme costumes or matching costumes before but we did this year.  I think it was important for our family to show a unified front and it was fun.



I’m almost ashamed to say how many hours I spent sewing that week.  Even simple projects take time.  To see the tutorial I used to create the vests click here.  I ended up reaching out to two friends that week to sit with my two-year-old while I took kids to the dentist and went to an appointment.  They both cleaned my house while they were there!  My heart was so touched that Heavenly Father had sent someone to take care of that other stuff so I could take care of the one thing that seemed insignificant to me but was the most important thing that week.

Read More Here:

Ordinary Heros

Back To Basics