About three months ago I
ran across some sheet music to a song my husband loved. A friend had encouraged
me to use music to help in my grieving process so I was digging through some
old stuff. I felt strongly that I needed to sing this specific song at church
so I started practicing. I've only sung a solo for a good size group two other
times in my life and it was terrifying both times. The feeling persisted and I
worked on the song and contacted the person who organizes that stuff and two
weeks later I was up on the stand wondering how in the world I was going to get
through it. I was very emotional for the start and felt a little sad that my
voice and my courage faltered. My accompanist was amazing and helped me along
so much.
After it was over I wanted to quickly leave and avoid people’s comments, I felt would be awkward but felt strongly I needed to practice being a gracious receiver so I stayed until the end of the meeting. I was surprised at how many people said "you did so well, I know that was hard so I was praying for you." I thought I had been impressed to sing because someone needed the message of the song but after pondering it for a couple days I came to understand that my initial impression was only part of the reason. As with many things, when God directs us to do something it accomplishes many things.
There were people who needed the message of the song. There were people who needed to see my example of persisting when you are given a seemingly impossible task. But the greatest beneficiary of my work, in the end, was me. I realized that Heavenly Father used this experience as an opportunity for me to show my ward family that even though it has been almost five months since Matt's passing it is still very fresh and I am hurting and need their prayers. I was amazed at the power I have felt from their prayers this week and amazed that something I put so much heart and effort into without really understanding why became a huge blessing to me. The most amazing thing is that I had a question that Heavenly Father gave me an answer bit by bit as I was ready to receive it.
Many times the answers don't come all at once. The scriptures use the phrase line upon line. We receive each piece of the puzzle as we're ready and seek it. As we continue to ask and seek the pieces begin to form a picture and we see how it all fits together. I'm so grateful for this process. I'm so grateful for a Heavenly Father who wants to teach me and does when I open my mind to learn.
After it was over I wanted to quickly leave and avoid people’s comments, I felt would be awkward but felt strongly I needed to practice being a gracious receiver so I stayed until the end of the meeting. I was surprised at how many people said "you did so well, I know that was hard so I was praying for you." I thought I had been impressed to sing because someone needed the message of the song but after pondering it for a couple days I came to understand that my initial impression was only part of the reason. As with many things, when God directs us to do something it accomplishes many things.
There were people who needed the message of the song. There were people who needed to see my example of persisting when you are given a seemingly impossible task. But the greatest beneficiary of my work, in the end, was me. I realized that Heavenly Father used this experience as an opportunity for me to show my ward family that even though it has been almost five months since Matt's passing it is still very fresh and I am hurting and need their prayers. I was amazed at the power I have felt from their prayers this week and amazed that something I put so much heart and effort into without really understanding why became a huge blessing to me. The most amazing thing is that I had a question that Heavenly Father gave me an answer bit by bit as I was ready to receive it.
Many times the answers don't come all at once. The scriptures use the phrase line upon line. We receive each piece of the puzzle as we're ready and seek it. As we continue to ask and seek the pieces begin to form a picture and we see how it all fits together. I'm so grateful for this process. I'm so grateful for a Heavenly Father who wants to teach me and does when I open my mind to learn.
No comments:
Post a Comment