Rules and Boundaries

I am constantly pondering about rules with my children...are they too strict, not strict enough, too much responsibility, not enough responsibility.  In my experience whether it is the appropriate amount of strict or not is not as important as being consistant.  Being consistant gets good results from your childrn.  I really try to think things through before setting a rule because chances are it is not going to change for a long time because I am going to be consistant. (Although when the time comes that you are making a change to a rule be very clear with your children tell them "this was the rule before and now this is the new rule and this is the new consequence.) 

There are, however, times when I've found myself aksing my children to break one of my rules.  For example I often tell my children not to climb up on the chairs to reach the cupboards in the kitchen or the car keys or the latch on the front door, anyway, I have caught myself on several occasions asking my children to go get something that is out of reach which requires the use of a chair.  Then I think to myself, "Poo, I just asked them to break the rule."  (Oh, and I'm not allowed to say "Poo" now because that's all my four year old wants to talk about at the dinner table so it has been forbidden.)  So be cautious about what you ask your children to do and don't ask them to break a rule unless you are doing it for a specific purpose and make that clear. For example we have a rule that we don't eat in the living room but on a rare occasion we have a special family movie night and get to eat popcorn in the living room so I let them know that it is a special occasion that comes with special priviledges.

Rules create boundaries for children that keep them safe, not only in a physical sense but mental as well.  They need security which is provided by these boundaries.  Life is big and scary sometimes and the small challenges my children face feel so big to them.  By giving them boundaries you keep their world compact and by being consistant you give them consistancy which also equates to safety. (And this will also help them to learn to set boundaries in their own lives when they are old enough.)

I remember well the age of about 12-15 months both my children started toddling off, because they could now walk on their own.  So often I would watch them venture out only to come toddling back to make sure I was still there.  Their desire for independance was battling their need for security.  In the same way two and four year olds venture out by trying new things and testing the pre-determined boundaries of the rules.  They too can find that safety in your correction of them in breaking that rule.

Being consistant is work.  There are days when exhaustion or frustration make sticking to your guns seem nearly impossilbe.  Don't give in and take the easy way out.  Your children need you to be consistant.  They need to know that the promised consequences will come with the braking of a rule.  Parenting is NOT for wimps.  So all you parents out there, hang in there.  The work you do is so important.  Someday your kids will thank you.  THANKS MOM!